The Power of Words
David Reynard
"The pen is mightier than the sword" is an expression indicating that the written word is more effective than violence as a means of social or political change. The spoken word is just as powerful in other situations. Words can raise someone up or tear a person down to the ground. Choice of words, phrasing and tone all play a part in what is being said to or about others. Location and atmosphere play a part in the meaning or reception of what is being said. A conversation in private takes on a completely different meaning when discussed in public. An innocent conversation amongst friends becomes a different situation when discussed with others when the main member of that conversation is absent. It may have been an innocent recounting of the conversation, but in the new situation, it can be misunderstood, misrepresented, or simply an act of humiliation to the person not present. That said, unspoken words are just as powerful and hurtful. Not sharing or explaining your feelings or thoughts with others does not address the issues in their or your life.
Differences are just that. A different look at things is not necessarily a bad thing. But, if you choose not to openly discuss your differences, then you don’t really have a way to get pass them to get to a level field. You haven’t set boundaries on what you can or will discuss in the company of others. Sometimes keeping quiet because you are afraid of hurting your friends, associates, or family by telling them that jokes or conversations about or to you are inappropriate or unwanted cause the situation to grow and exponentially erupt in an argument or frustration when it goes too far.
A joke said at one time at a friend’s expense is just that, a joke if it isn’t cruel. But, saying that same joke everyday or multiple times within a day, it is no longer a joke but a bullying tactic. Regardless of whether it is intended that way or not, it is still a form of bullying and humiliation. It tends to get said to others not originally involved and they can take it out of proportion, intention, or completely different reference. This now inflicts additional hurt feelings on the individual and a breach of trust. These breaches damage friendships, marriages, working relationships and family relationships.
Let’s face it, most people have been on either side of a situation like this. Either the perpetrator or the victim. Neither side is a good side. A joke is to be funny. A conversation amongst friends is to be private. A business meeting, unless otherwise spoken, is for those attending the meeting and not for other’s knowledge.
Words, spoken or written, have a way of getting around. Once said or written, they are in the universe to be received, however the recipient takes them. We have preconceived decisions when we hear or read something based on our past. An individual can perceive a statement or situation in one way but put that person into a group and they can react completely differently. This is called pack mentality, and a statement or phrase can easily transform into something different than it was originally intended to be. This can be a good or bad situation depending on the intent. The thing to remember is what was the intent of the original statement. Humor turned humiliating is bullying and cruel.
This isn’t just reserved for poor jokes that have gone wrong. It can be any conversation that we have said or written. I am a strong believer in spoken words. Whether written in books, blogs or texts, the meaning of a phrase can take on multiple interpretations and worded carefully. In the spoken word, you have inflection, tone, and deliverance of it to consider. In personal communications you also have facial and body language to assist you on knowing the intentions of the speaker either directly or indirectly as bystanders.
Words – Powerful and Strong, Praise or Demeaning – are to be taken seriously and chosen wisely for their intent and clarity. Otherwise, confusion, misinterpretation, and judgement of the speaker, spoken of, bystanders or an audience will ensue. Be honest when you speak. Be truthful to those you interact with. Set boundaries in all aspects of your life. Expect respect – no, demand to be respected. That is not meant to mean “entitled” but exactly that, respect of who you are, a person. Speak about or to others in the same manner you want to be treated.
Anyone can be a perpetrator or victim of words during their life. It is still a matter of perspective. The perpetrator can believe it is just a joke or funny story; the victim takes it as an attack on who they are, what they have been through prior, what they are going through in other aspects of their lives outside of the joke or conversation. Words flow easily off the lips but true compassion and understanding comes from thought, understanding and hope for others. Things may occur from time to time, but repetition of the same statement over months or years is no longer the original intention. It mutates into something that is either hideous and foul or of something that is grand and profound. My suggestion, shoot for grand and profound, the world is already filled with enough hideous and foul. Be a motivator not a demoralizer. Let’s work on raising others up and not join in on tearing them down. We suffer our own struggles and don’t need to add to others’ battles. Even the aggressors have their own issues and battles which may be the source of their behavior but why should we fan those flames. Don’t become part of their actions or you too can get burned in time.
Listen, speak, and be kindly to receive kindness. Even the meek and week, kind and gentle can become fierce opponents when cornered or threatened too much.